If We Only Knew

We met at lunch. It was a cool day in September and my legs were aching from the trek. Classes just began a few weeks before, and I was going to meet my friend Taeler for lunch. I walked into the ice cold, AC infused building and grabbed my tray of empty calories and a side salad and walk down to our normal meeting spot. But Taeler wasn't alone. Sitting across from him was a girl; Long blond hair and a tight v-neck. She wasn't Taeler's type; he didn't have one, as far as we are concerned, he is asexual and disinterested in the idea of women or sex overall.

His eyes light up as I park myself next to him at the booth. What ups were thrown out as well as complaints about the lunch selection of the day. It was just business as usual. But of course I noticed the girl, how couldn't I? Taeler introduced her. They met in illustration class. She looked at me with her blue grey eyes and smiled. She was an artist, like me, and a hard worker; Ambitious and busy, maybe she was a little different than I was.  

"How long have you lived in Lawrence," she asked, her eyes beaming at me from behind scattered pieces of blonde hair.

"How long have we had classes now? Like 3 weeks? So yeah, about three weeks." I responded.

"Oh, so where are you originally from?"

"Shawnee, about 35 miles that way," I said as I pointed lazily out the window.

Shawnee, Kansas. The small city in the notorious Johnson County. It's where all of the white upper middle-class desk-jockeys come from. Doctors, lawyers, teachers, whatever, it's the same as any other city. It wasn't quite Kansas City and that wasn't necessarily a bad thing, but it certainly wasn't great either. But like the rest of Kansas, it was terrible and I'd give anything to leave it. She was looking at me, waiting. I missed what she said. Great. 

"What?" I asked. 

"How long have you known Taeler?" She questioned again. 

"Honestly, we've known each other for years but we didn't become friends until recently."

"Well, making new friends is never a bad thing," she responded, smiling.

"No, I guess it's not."

Lunch was over, classes were done. The rush had died down and the cafeteria was starting to empty out. Staff begrudgingly mopped the floors and brushed off the tables after the inconsiderate pricks from who knows where decided to forget their table manners and leave the place in shambles.

We left to go get on buses or start our walks home. Taeler left his backpack; it was just me and her. I was still in decent shape then. Skinny with shoulders like a football player. Someone was bound to find me attractive so I wouldn't have been too surprised if she showed interest. We stood in silence. I slid my hands into my black jacket. She hands me a piece of paper; A phone number is scribbled onto it with her curved and delicate handwriting.

"Text me. I think we could be good friends," she said. If she only knew.

She raised her phone and snuck a photo. "It's for your contact picture," she said. Yeah,  sure. She smiled and left. For the sake of kindness and goodwill, I'm not going to use real names, so we'll call her Robin. But her real name was misspelled by her parents for who knows why, but it made her different in my eyes.

We saw each other over the next few weeks. Taeler and our friends would come over and play video games. She would follow; she didn't want to go to her job, she didn't feel like homework, she just wanted time with her new friends. Every now and again, I'd catch her getting close, brushing me when she walked past, leaning a little too far down when she bent down to whip me with her sarcastic whit. One day, she put her legs over my lap, and it was all downhill from there.

Every day her legs would move further and further up my lap, her warm thighs engulfing my pelvis with time. Nothing truly happened until we were alone. Taeler had homework and left early. My roommates were at class. It was just me, her, the couch, and a copy of Halo: Reach.

 She leaned close, her perfume wafting through the air, dusting my nose. I leaned in, our lips pressing. I pulled her to me, her soft body engulfing mine as my hands ran up and down her back. Sexual tension in its purest form.

And it was the biggest mistake I've ever made.

I regret it to this day when I have time to spare,
When I turn over to realize that you aren't there.